Piñatas are not practical

     Alternate title:  This is not a piñata tutorial (although it may look like one).

     It's Christmas in my house and like any other crafty person with a German background it's time to make piñatas.  Just add gin (my version of eggnog) and let the fun begin!

     Of course, I had to start my piñatas about 2 weeks ago or they never would have been ready to give as gifts to my stepsons.  I gathered my materials: balloons to make the basic form, flour, water, cord, and just as I was about to drive to the 7-11 to buy a newspaper, the best early Christmas gift, ever, arrived on my doorstep:  one of those annoying phone books that no one uses anymore.  Instead of walking it right  to my recycling bin, I brought it inside to use in place of newspaper.  Perfect!

     AFTER I started my flour and water piñatas, someone told me that the best way to avoid having the children receive a "mold piñata"  (it's very humid here in Florida) is to use Elmer's glue and water for the binding agent.  Next time!

     This time, I went old school with flour and water for my paste and looked up some instructions to see if the proportions of the 2 ingredients were important.  One crafter's post recommended using an electric mixer so you don't wind up with lumps in your paste.  Uh, yeah...it's a piñata, not Thanksgiving day gravy for your in-laws.  The best method is to put a couple cups of flour in a big bowl set down in your sink, dump a lot of water in all at once, then mix it fast with a whisk.  Success!

     Warning!  I found out that a 10 lb dachshund can put away a fair amount of flour and water paste if left unattended.  I shudder to think what a Lab could do.

     Layering the paper and paste is a slow process that must be done in stages over the course of a few days but I find the process soothing and imagine I look just like Demi Moore in Ghost, working that potter's wheel.  I think I want Henry Cavill to come up and embrace me from behind, though.  I like to occasionally update my mental images.

     My drying rack is equally perfect for drying clothing or drying piñatas.

     When it comes to fillings, I want the biggest mess possible so I add lots of confetti, little pompoms from the craft store, jingle bells from Goodwill, anything I can find.   This time, I couldn't remember where I found the cheap confetti so I decided to cut my own out of tissue paper.  It wasn't as much of a pain in the ass as I thought it would be and it looked so good when I had a big fluffy bowl full.

     Filling the piñata is kind of messy although I could probably fashion some kind of cardboard funnel for the job.

     The final result is guaranteed to whip a child into a frenzy.  I've never gotten too involved with the decorating of the piñata because the fun of it is beating the crap out of it. 

 I had a friend in Missouri who was originally from Mexico and he said, in a pinch, his parents would put some candy in a cardboard box, tape it shut, and hang it from a tree as an impromptu piñata and they loved it.

     I can't wait to see the boys get medieval with their Christmas piñatas!

     

Dead of winter

     The phrase "dead of winter" means something different in Florida than it does in most of the country.

     I know you know it, but I have to revel in it: It's very beautiful this time of year!  

I don't melt when I go outside and swarms of bugs don't attack me and plants are still blooming, lemons are ready to be harvested, the hens have all started laying eggs again...I could go on and on!  

     The Japanese have a term referring to the bittersweet transience of life and beauty.  I don't speak Japanese so I don't know how to pronounce it, but I know what it means:  very soon our Florida weather will turn cold and we will have to wear socks with our flip flops for a week.  

Enjoy it while it lasts!

     The holiday season also heralds the arrival of Bacon Jam.  I originally found the recipe in a Martha Stewart recipe pamphlet and have converted some of my friends into Super Fans.  One friend bought me a tiny Crock Pot so I could make it the first time because she loved the sound of the recipe; she always gets a jar.  Now that I have Mike hanging around the house, I own a proper, man-size Crock Pot, capable of  stewing 5 gallons of chili OR cooking down a large batch of bacon jam.

     A couple of potential problems with bacon jam:  bacon is expensive and the MS recipe calls, disconcertingly, for a cup of strong brewed coffee to be added to the mix.  This year, one of my bacon jam fans turned me on to a local meat packing establishment (I NEVER would have found it on my own) where I was able to buy beautiful bacon ends for under $2/lb.  Awesome!  And this year, I also added a half portion of the coffee. I didn't notice a difference; the bacon jam is still the same delicious treat! 

     I was flipping through Martha's Christmas issue recently and she has updated her bacon jam recipe by adding bourbon.  Wha-WHAT?!  I'll be testing that recipe in 2014!

     So now I'm speed-knitting to try and get a couple more Christmas presents in the mail.  I wanted to make a scarf with large stitches but I didn't have a circular needle that was big enough so I brought out the traditional straight needles that Mike's mom gave me a while back, and started knitting.  I don't think I've ever really knitted on straight needles.  It was ok but the size and weight of the whole thing meant I had to finish it while sitting on the sofa wearing a carpal tunnel brace; this project won't travel.

     "Clearance tofu" seemed like a good idea when I saw it in the store.  I know...I know...

     There wasn't anything wrong with the tofu but the concept worked on my mind until I couldn't bear the thought of eating it.  Thank goodness the chickens loved it!  

"Clearance tofu" becomes fresh eggs...ta-da!

     I had to post a pic of the calabaza that grew in the middle of my tangelo tree.  It seems secure so I'll leave it there until it's time to harvest it.  Btw, this tangelo has never done well and last year's tangelos were bitter and dry, so it was with a heavy heart that I picked one of the fruits yesterday and brought it inside.  It was delicious!  It was the tangelo I have been craving for years.  Too bad the citrus greening will kill my tree soon.  :-(

     And I've got the papaya thing DOWN:  I pick them and ripen them off the tree.  Now I have  smoothies for days!

     And more good news!  I was about to pull the plug on the pigeon pea experiment; heading into year 3 with these bean trees and STILL, no beans! But even as I took this photo, something glinted at the top of the 12 foot tall "shrubs" and I realized my bean trees were finally in bloom.

     I can be patient.  I've been told that gandule/pigeon pea shrubs are perennial (btw, after 2 gin and tonics and 7 guesses at the spelling of that word, I Googled it.  Shame!) so I am going to prune them HARD...soon, and see what happens.

     So bring on the blizzards and sub-zero temps!!!!!!!!!!!!  (I can say that coz it ain't gonna happen)

Vive le Florida!!!!

Winter? Bah! Flip flops rule!

     I recently took time out from my hectic paintball schedule (I'm the one in the camo pants) to refocus on my Florida home projects. 

     

     After years of shelling out big bucks for custom-mixed paints that ended up looking like Pepto Bismal or diaper goo once I got them on the walls, I learned a trick from a friend and the beauty of the trick is that it isn't a trick at all:  go to the stores, buy the mistinted paints, mix 'em together until you get something you like and save the leftover mixture in case you need to touch anything up in the future.  Thinking back, I feel kind of ridiculous for wasting so much money on paint.  Every so often, the register at Lowe's will even kick out a rebate form and I get back 100% of what I spent.  Can't beat that deal!

     So I'm driving along, thinking, "I sure wish I had a mirror for the back wall of that room I just painted," and Voila!  I found a big mirror in someone's trash pile.

     I scoured my yard for lightweight untreated scrap wood (untreated since the mirror is going inside my house) and quickly fashioned a frame.  The mirror is secured underneath by reclaimed metal mending plates and the base of the frame, while unattractive, is solid.

     Then I got out the jigsaw and went to town on some thin cedar scrap that Mike had given me to burn in the chimenea.  It won't be featured in anyone's MOMA but for zero $$$ and a couple hours of work, I think it's kinda cool.

     Speaking of "kinda cool", after 5 years of ownership I just discovered where the special character function is on my Macbook Pro.  

     Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

     My brassavola nodosa is in bloom again.  This beautiful, night-scented orchid is consistently hailed as an easy-to-grow-perfect-for-beginners orchid.  Allow me to say, I've killed several.  I still don't know why this one survived but it blooms at least once a year and the little flowers release a perfume that has a kind of caramel note to it.  I keep trying to define it in my mind but I need to study perfume terminology first.

     The chickens "planted" some tomatoes in the mulch for me.  This is the heirloom cherry tomato that produces tiny, succulent fruits and that I long ago forgot the name of so I nurture it whenever a plant appears.  These have been imprisoned behind chicken wire for their own safety and have already set several fruits.  Fingers crossed that I get them before a frost!

     I harvested a calabaza (there's still about 10 more in the yard) and prepared it by frying up some onions and garlic in bacon drippings then tossing in the cubed squash and seasoning with a little apple cider vinegar and brown sugar.  Yum!  

     I decided not to feel guilty for only having a few servings of squash from each behemoth calabaza.  My body begins to reject squash after 3 servings in a row but the chickens never tire of it so we share.

     

       And always the quandary of that damn papaya tree.  I have mollycoddled that thing and it's paid off up to the point of it being covered in fruit but actually getting to enjoy eating the fruit has evaded me.  They are taking their own sweet time ripening and the first 2 that showed a blush of color revealed rotten interiors brought on by insects burrowing through the bud end.  The third fruit, while very small, was perfect inside!  Finally!  I ate the whole thing with a spoon, scooping it right out of the rind, while I watched Mike and the boys practice painful-looking wrestling moves on my yoga mat.

     The tree has also developed a serious tilt and if I don't decide to stake it soon, it will topple.

     Amidst everything else, I squeezed in some fossil jewelry time.  I donated 3 pieces to the fossil club for the monthly raffle and when the club president mentioned holding them back for the silent auction at the December Fossil Fest (yes, there is such a thing), I told him I would make a few necklaces for that, too.  Done!

     Now, I want to get that Christmas tree put up!

     

Knitting, past and present

     Just past, actually.

     A few years ago, someone gave me a book titled Kitschy Knits.  It's a collection of photos from old knitting patterns with very funny descriptions written by the author.  I've always enjoyed looking through old patterns (sewing, knitting, crochet, etc.) and a recent donation of unused craft items yielded some great pamphlets.  

     I know that a topic like this could go on forever; it's a well-traveled path and I'm no comedian, but just in case you're not aware of our past trends, I'll post a few pictures so that you won't be doomed to repeat them.

     To paraphrase a line from an episode of Chappelle Show, I can't say anything about this photo that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan. 

     This confuses me and every time I look at it, I'm confused anew.  What is this?!  Did anybody every really wear anything like this?  Raffia?!  Look closely at this mess of raffia loops and "bangles": it's upsetting and it looks dangerously "snaggy."

      Well, she LOOKS happy.  Maybe she is.  I can't imagine she got paid much for the photo shoot so maybe they let her keep the outfit and she really did like it.

     I choose to end this brief sojourn on a positive note.  I find this photo very appealing.  Despite the fact that the guy on the left looks more like a college professor than a student, the image has great energy and the knits aren't half-bad either.  Cute!

     

     

Wool scarves and tank tops

Yes, I am modeling one of my knit scarves in a tank top.

     I love knits but I love Florida, too, so I don't get a lot of opportunities to wear knits.  I love the process of knitting so I opened an Etsy shop because I'm going to keep knitting and I might as well try to sell some of the things I knit.  They're not flying off the cyber-shelves (there's a LOT of competition) but I do make a sale here and there.

  Two recent donations of fabulous yarn have me imagining the Hindu goddess, Kali, with all her arms,  knitting.  Oh, to have such an advantage!

    Normally I try to find free patterns on Ravelry but the influx of yarn made me feel indulgent and I purchased a pattern book at Joann's.  "Easy"...that's what I like.  How can you go wrong with "Easy"?

Well, you could leave out important parts of the instructions, that's how.  

     I took the book to the sports bar with me so I'd have something to do on commercial breaks during the Patriots/Broncos game.  The pattern called for a linen stitch but after following the stitch guide for several rounds, it was apparent that my hat was not going to resemble the photo.  Thank goodness for YouTube and iPhones.  I watched a quick video of a linen stitch and noted that my book's instructions left out half of the stitch. Wow.  I started over and the brim began to take shape.  I got quite a bit done during the first half of the game because there was Patriot blood in the water and I couldn't bear to witness our humiliation.  By the time I realized another part of the instructions was incorrect, the Patriots were in the midst of a stunning comeback so I set the project aside to correct the next day.

And lest your minds head in that direction, the India Pale Ale had nothing to do with my knitting difficulties.  I am adept at happy hour knitting; maybe not something to brag about but a skill, nonetheless.

What's in a ñame?

     As I previously wrote, only Martha Stewart could convince me to purchase the exotic looking tuber, ñame.  I always study those aliens to my diet; they reside in the grocery store bins next to equally foreign looking plant parts like aloe spears (salads?), cactus pads, yucca roots, and chayotes.  Back in 1993, I lived with a family in Mexico for 6 weeks and the señora cooked a lot of chayote and it was fabulous but try as I might, I couldn't make it taste the same in my home kitchen.  

  

     So I bought a small ñame and looked up a recipe on the internet.  I was directed to cut it up like chips, season it and cook it in the oven until it browned.  The recipe also alerted me that ñame was "jucier" than a potato so I should use caution when slicing it.  I discovered that "jucier" actually meant "sickeningly mucous-y"; not the same as juicy at all.  There was some serious okra-style shite going on in my kitchen.  

     The finished result looks and tastes ok and while I appreciate earning kitchen cred for preparing it, I don't need to do it ever again.  

     Out of curiosity, I Googled "true yam" to see if the ñame appeared in Indian cuisine and was directed to a recipe for "elephant yam" and warned that this yam could make my fingers itch for days.

I don't even know what to say about that except that I WON'T be preparing elephant yam, ever.

     Now is a good time to post this picture:

     I'm the first to admit that I spent over half my life reviling football.

Then I moved to Florida with a former college football player and decided I might try to enjoy the game a little.That's when I looked at the TV screen one day and realized: Tom Brady is handsome, tall and athletic; I love this game!

     But I digress...

     More uses for the ladder rack on my 1995 Ford Ranger:

    Keeps the dachshunds in a holding pattern while I arrange their travel bed on the front seat.

    And now for a photo of the most perfect chicken butt EVER:

     This might seem like a strange thing to post but since Pearl spends much of her time running away from me I've had ample opportunity to study the beautiful arrangement of feathers on the back of her tail and it really is perfect.  

     The temps are cooling and I suspect the frog sightings will lessen for the winter but this little guy was hanging out by my front door yesterday, waiting for the bugs to gather around my porch light.

     I found this amazing looking caterpillar on my mango tree.  While I appreciate its unique beauty, I appreciate my mangoes more so I removed it from the plant.  It made some kind of an irritated sound every time I moved it.  

     And a fishing picture:

     No, it's not a very exciting fishing picture but it was a beautiful day on the Indian River in Oak Hill, Florida.  The stepsons, who normally lose interest is fishing after the first cast, all insisted on having their own rod and since I only packed 3 rods, as it's never been an issue before, I ended up buying cheap cane poles from the bait shop for the girls to use, thus avoiding more male drama.

     I figured out how to successfully "cast" a fairly long line from the thing but my cane pole days started and ended on that dock.  Next time, I'll pack MORE than enough rods and reels.

     

Halloween: it's not just for kids!

     I love this time of year!

     You can scoff and tsk! all you want but this issue of Martha Stewart Living is so beautiful and, yes, inspirational.  Only Martha can make me want to prepare an entire Thanksgiving meal (even though I won't) and only Martha can make tubers sound to delicious that I had to buy a ñame.

     It's a true yam, which still doesn't answer a lot of the questions I have, but apparently it's going to taste amazing when I'm done with it.

     I used to love the whole pumpkin carving routine when it was just a goofy face and the main creative aspect was how many teeth you could cut into the mouth.

     I thought buying a kit was a good idea until it became apparent that the kids were not going to see the complex designs through to the bitter end and I wound up carving 3 pumpkins as fast as I could.  See those flimsy little tools in the photo?  Toast.

     At least they seem to have forgotten the rainbow loom although the rubber bands will persist as a reminder for decades.

     I spent the last couple weeks of October focusing on costumes and was fortunate enough to rope in a couple of friends.  I turned this pattern:

     ...into these sister wives:

     The dresses weren't perfect as our sizes vary WILDLY, but they were good enough for the night and got some fun attention.

     A last minute run to Goodwill netted the makings of Monk Night costumes to wear to the Belgian beer bar.

     My outfit was originally a ladies coat and Mike's Buddhist monk garb was a set of melon bedsheets. I told him, "Melon is the new saffron!"  As usual, I had to add creepy sunglasses and a beard.

     Two things happened after Monk Night:

#1. I ate this portion of chicken and waffles.

No regrets.

#2. I pulled my crazy monk hair into a ponytail the next morning and went out in public.

No regrets.

     A mild chicken-n-waffle hangover did not stop me from some cosmetic work on the house.  I needed to spackle some large holes in the wall so I grabbed a tub of joint compound (left over from a different project) and cut a spatula out of an old plastic food container, and got it done!

     A couple coats of paint and a few framed pictures and it will look good as new!

The jungle goes dormant

     The daily rains have stopped and I finally have a little breathing room in regards to plant care.  Now I can stand back and think about carving some structure into the front landscaping.

     FINALLY, the cassia is doing what I've been waiting all year for it to do.  How can I manage this thing?  If I don't continually prune it hard all summer, it would absolutely swallow my front yard, yet the constant shaping has reduced it to 1 blooming session a year.  And it's still unruly!

     This cardboard palm was a wee little thing when I planted it years ago.  It's growth is slow but persistent and I like it lots.

     I haven't bothered to look up the life expectancy of my papaya tree since I believe the first frost will end it and the trunk has started to lean (it volunteered in a planter box).  Please, please, please just let one of the fruits ripen!

     I removed some agave pups for repotting...

     ...and became entranced with the beauty of the main plant's inner structure.

Wake up!  Back to work!

     I harvested the first of the care-free calabazas.  My main obstacle to enjoying this abundant, easy to grow squash is that I don't enjoy it.  It's crazy hard to cut although I've developed a system:  I crack it on the cement then slowly work the fault lines with a paring knife.  I was all excited about a recipe for Persian Pumpkin Stew until I started to prepare it and found it was pretty much just chicken broth and pumpkin with the addition of some lemon juice.  Hell, I coulda thought of that! 

     The respite from the yard is welcome as I have some interior chores to attend to but I'll be heading out with the demolition tools in a few weeks (loppers, shovels, etc) to shape the whole thing up.