I'm more than just a collection of vegetables.

I know I've posted a lot of vegetable pictures

but the garden was ON,

and while it's not quite OFF yet, it's slowing down so I've put all the sentimental photographs of comestibles at the end of the blog.  Easier to skip that way.

Hmmm...what else is there to...

Camping

I've been doin' it and enjoyin' it.

Camper's tip: hard alcohol=soft ground,
but it doesn't keep me warm like it does for characters

 in old-timey novels.

I recently acquired a new kayak trolley 

and was surprised to read this message on the little rubber tires:

I can't even wrap my head around that one.

Assuming I don't have the hands of a giant, you can get a sense of the size of this tire, and I can't imagine how it could ever wind up being used on a highway.

I don't have the hands of a giant

but the urge to screw with the sense of scale

has finally overcome my reluctance to dig through boxes and find a foreign coin.

From now on, I'm going to use this New Zealand 10¢ coin to give a sense of scale.

Who knows how big that trilobite is?! (except for my Kiwi readers)

Surprise!

The NZ coin is about the same size as a quarter.

Wasn't that fun?

Other things "Not for highway use"

Floorboards made of boulders.

I was on a rock collecting trip and for the last leg of our journey, it couldn't be avoided, 

but the voice of my former-claims-adjuster father was whispering in my ear, 

"All it took was a suitcase to kill Tom Mix, you crazy bitch."

I felt great relief when we finally shipped all of our rocks from Kemmerer, Wyoming to our respective homes.  

That is, until my boxes were delivered.

The postman actually said,

"They're a little banged up."

I've filed all my claims (6 boxes were "a little banged up") and I'm only requesting the return of my postage (stop laughing!!!) so we'll see what happens.

When I recently had my deck rebuilt

I had to clean everything off of it

and now I'm reluctant to put any of the gewgaws back,

but I need my grill!

Especially with all the vegetables coming out of my garden.

Yet another use for a piece of my hoarded granite:

BBQ platform.

Not sure if it's necessary but I like the clean, tidy feel.

And now, if you're sick of vegetable photos...

look away.

Ohhhh!

Ahhhh!

Pretty!

Beans.

So busy it's hard to fit a 2 hour nap into the day

Now that the garden is somewhat caring for itself,

I have been wandering outside the confines of my croft.

While engaging in a little light shopping (read: too poor to purchase),

I saw an item that can only be described as a dream come true:

It really was my dream

and if I'd kept better records, I could sue!

Of course my version included 4 fluffy sand wheels so that I could roll myself along the beach in search of shells without straining my neck and back.

Still, I wonder if it's possible to eat in this position...?

I somehow missed, throughout my life,

all the trends to dress in ethnic clothes

that had nothing to do with my ethnicity or coloring,

with the exception of a single pair of Pakistani, MC Hammer-style, drop-crotch pants I wore out of the house ONE TIME in the late 80's.

It's never too late!

I went to an Indian clothing store to pick out a colorful top and chose this beauty.

While I was browsing, the saleslady hovered, and finally insisted, "If you will tell me what event you've been invited to, I could help you."  I thought that was cute!  After I assured her I was just buying something for no apparent reason, she visibly relaxed.  

This top comes with little sleeves that I chose not to have attached, a long flowing scarf, a pair of pants that I have no idea how to use (no visible waistband), and for a mere $5 more, they are enlarging the armholes so that I won't lose feeling in my hands.  

Love!

Meanwhile...

I will make do with the clothes I have.  They are just loose enough that I can sneak candy into the theatre the old fashioned way:

By pretending to be pregnant.

Nobody would dare to question because I think the current world record for a pregnancy is 66.

They might have frowned upon my G&T's before the movie but that would have made for some shenanigans had I been challenged at the bar.

Out and about, I spied this little guy:

This is a protected gopher tortoise

and since I'm certain it is illegal to touch it, I would like to assure all my reader 

(the lack of an 's' is on purpose, wink wink) that

THAT IS NOT MY HAND!

Back at home...

Some of you may be aware that a couple of weeks ago I came face to face with a black bear in my yard.  The most asked question was, "How big was it?"

Hello!!!  It was a BEAR!!!

My stubborn dachshunds like to wander around my yard in the pitch dark, harassing whatever wild animal they come into contact with and up until the BEAR, that consisted of possums, raccoons, armadillos, and angry cats.  

The nocturnal wandering stops NOW.

Witness the hastily constructed dachshund corral.

Nighttime use only.

I love it when people bring me rotten food.

Well, my chickens love it.

And before you ask, "Can they eat (name something gross)?",

the answer is a resounding, "Yes!"

More praise for volunteer vegetables.

These are volunteer, full-size tomatoes, which I never grow because I can't beat the hordes of insects that want to destroy them before they ripen.  I didn't plant these and I can only assume they grew from the seeds of a hybridized-until-they-are-no-longer-tomatoes grocery store tomato.  And it produced fruit!  Not only that, the plants are healthy, the fruits unmarred, and there appear to be lots of them on the way.  Gonna be saving some seeds from this.

In the beginning,

having never grown eggplants before, 

I worried that the pests would decimate the plants.

Apparently nothing deems eggplants edible because they are absolutely untouched.

While I'm getting used to eating eggplants, it does make me wonder that nothing else will eat them...

Rangoon creeper taking over huge cactus.

Very pretty but I see some taming in the near future.

Miss Joachim won't be tamed.

I planted a start from my Singapore orchid in an unprotected area to see how much abuse it could take.  Granted, we didn't have a hard freeze this winter, but it survived a couple of days of freezing temps and is now blooming, in FULL FLORIDA SUN, outside of the orchid shade cloth.  

Crazy!

And back to West Virginia

Spring is supposed to be the best time

to take country walks and dig for wild ramps in West Virginia.

The country scenery is certainly beautiful

but I forgot about the difficulty of walking through real mud

 as opposed to the sand we have in Florida.

In a word, yuck.

The weather dried out after the first day

and we were able to dig our ramps.

I was reading through the descriptions of ramps on this site:

http://www.wildedible.com/wild-food-guide/ramps

and saw that lily of the valley leaves look the same but are

DEADLY.

This is why I never forage alone:  I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

It was also morel mushroom season in West Virginia

 but we didn't find any and none of the locals offered to part with theirs.

Fair enough.

My West Virginia friend, Anne, packaged up some ramps

 for me to take back home

and I added a few to a batch of homemade refrigerator pickles.

Taste test scheduled in one week!

The garden is on the verge of going crazy

and I couldn't be happier about it!

The carrots are adorable but I really dislike the taste of carrots so not sure about their future in my garden.  Beets...meh...I'm trying but I do love their greens.

I was wondering how to go about drying rattlesnake beans in the wet Florida weather but the decision was made while I was out of town. 

 One section of the beans wasn't harvested and grew too big to eat as a green bean so I'm going to let those dry and hopefully they'll be ready to bring in before the worst of the rainy season.

Fingers crossed for squash!

This volunteer acorn squash had me all excited

 until I noticed that the dang caterpillars already ate through it.

I'm being very disciplined with applications of homemade oil spray but my research indicated that it won't kill insects outright; it will disrupt the cycle of the next generation.

I've had luck with butternut squash down here

but I haven't spotted any volunteer calabazas or cucuzzi so I might have to buy seeds and be more diligent about saving seeds next season.

I have so many cherry tomatoes on the vines

it would take a veritable tomato apocalypse to lose them all.

Planning for lots of yummy tomato action in the coming weeks!

I think it's time to raccoon-proof the pineapples

so I'll be wrapping them in attractive chicken wire cages some time this week.

Although it's not edible, 

I think my dream of a BIG cardboard palm is going to come true

 because this thing is throwing out tons of new growth.

And I'll finish with an adorable dog photo of Lilly.

I was given a selfie stick for my birthday but technology never works for me and no matter how hard I try, I can't get it to sync with the Bluetooth on my phone, therefore, I have to take my selfies the "old fashioned" way and hope for the best.  It helps to have a great canine model.

Have kale, will travel

On the eve of taking an armload of kale to West Virginia

someone asked if it was allowed on the plane.

We shall soon find out but if TSA lets me fill my see-through quart plastic bag with  little liquor bottles instead of contact lense solution and shampoo, I don't think they'll mind the kale.

I'm now a dehydrating fool.

Last season I got kale'd out but as soon as the kale was gone, I was cursing having to buy greens for my smoothies.  

Ta da!

This inexpensive dehydrator makes quick work of kale, turning it into what I hope is a nutritious powder to mix with bananas and yogurt.

I recently discovered a yummy cocktail called a Pepino.

The main ingredient is cucumber infused vodka.

My thoughts exactly!  That should be easy to make!

Here's my first attempt, using the first cucumber of the season from my garden.

Fingers crossed that I'm not making a batch of cucumber infused mold.

I finally had all my purebred horses shipped to me.

These were all the Breyer horses I could afford when I was a child.  

Within a year of my final horse purchase, my interests turned to AC/DC albums and eyeliner.

And here's a strange occurrence...

I was getting in to my truck early one morning when this magnolia blossom fell out of the sky and splatted at my feet.  I looked up to see what bird would do such a thing.

A single glance revealed a hawk, a sandhill crane, a group of ibis, A SWALLOWTAIL KITE, and, the most likely culprit, a crow.  A pretty great assortment of birds to see at one time and that isn't counting all the little birds flitting around.

Vin Diesel knows...

...when you live on Crematoria

you have to make choices.

Shelling gandules on the line between "shade" and "scorch"

I noticed a stray pod that missed the compost bowl.

Let it go, man!

I'll clean that shite up after nightfall.

It's hot being green.

The natives can take the heat.

Warmed by the Florida sun.

As always, my concern for unsecured food rages on.

What if he has to slam on the brakes?!

Pineapples and mangoes everywhere!

Baby veg.

Foetal veg.

Eggplant buds.

Fingers crossed for success with my first ever eggplant...planting.

Jewelry veg.

Ah, just keeping in the theme.

Actually, I made a vegan necklace after realizing that some of my supplies, like silk cord and horn beads, had animal origins.  

It's good to have options.

Worst ever photos of a mama opossum and babies:

Lucky for her, she wasn't headed toward my veg garden and yes, that is a car, a Camaro to be exact, parked on the OTHER side of the fence.

Cactus orchid.

I've killed so many starts of this plant and had pretty much given up hope of ever getting one to bloom.  A client gave me this start and I stuck it into the nearest pot and forgot about it...

until now!

Gratuitous cute dog photo.

I still run and grab the camera every time Schotzie goes to sleep on an item I've set on the floor, but she's so predictable in that regard, I could set up random, super-cute, scenarios and create a calendar of her sleeping:  put a little crib on the floor, a portable Japanese rock garden, a hollowed out pumpkin shell.  The possibilities are endless!

Patience, grasshopper

I have been practicing being patient for 50 years now.

I have seen some improvement.

One of my friends has the most amazing pineapple "plantation" in her front yard, harvesting 12-15 fruits every season, and I've been emulating her...for years!

Glory!!!

Baby pineapples galore!  FOUR, to be exact!

Only 4 more months before they ripen...

Patience, grasshopper.

I bought a new toy that also requires patience...

on many levels.

This ominous looking machine is a lapidary slab saw with a big diamond-edged blade inside.

I bought it, used, from the owners of Hogg Mine and while I was initially intimidated, it's actually relatively quiet and non-threatening.  They told me that the diamond blade won't cut your skin but will go right through your fingernail.  

No intention to test that theory.

Here's what I can do with this saw:

This is a very thin slice of a chunk of fossilized coral that I found in a local river.

Amazing, I know.

I am determined to earn back the cost of the saw through selling coral in some way, shape, or form.

I was a vendor at a tiny fossil show last weekend (shared a table so my cost was $0) and I'm proud to say I sold $11 worth of coral slices.

Hello, big money!!!

...patience, grasshopper...

I had the usual SolOpsArt fare for sale...

...and was happy to bag up a few of those, too.

My pineapple guru is also a master at reducing her impact on the planet

and she gave me a set of these cotton produce bags. They are light enough that they won't affect the weight of your goods and they are reusable, of course.

I felt like the coolest shopper in the store that day.

But I can't totally give up on plastic grocery bags.

I line my small trash cans with them and they have many creative applications when I'm in a pinch.

Witness impromptu scupper plugs for my kayak.

Those are my paddling gloves, tightly folded, and water-proofed with plastic shopping bags.

I loaded my yak waaaaay too heavy so it was either jettison cargo or get creative.

Ka-ching!

I know you're wondering...

...and yes, the pigeon peas are doing great!

Here's hoping for 4 more years of culinary bliss with this one shrub.

I've been patiently ignoring

 the crazed bougainvillea in my yard

but it was finally time to tame it or lose an eye trying to get around it.

They are beautiful, but why so mean?

The branches remind me of the sleeves of a calypso costume.

No?  Well, I guess you had to be there.

No flower will be forgotten!

I did it!  I finally devised a little arrangement out of cactus flowers. 

Bright as a calypso shirt!

And for a split second, I thought this looked fun:

and then the doubts crept in.

The more I studied it, the more it looked like a minor form of well-heeled torture.

FIVE people?! Such a small space for so many useless flower arrangements.  Much more practical to use that space for wine but...what about bathroom breaks?  I guess they're supposed to punt to the bank with that stick of bamboo.

I'll be meditating on this mess for days.

Have a great week!